A Peek into the Future For Xiden’s Speech
by Big Dog on Jan 19, 2021 at 16:52 Political, Satire
I borrowed Doc Brown’s DeLorean and took a trip into the future to see what Xiden would say so you don’t have to listen (seriously, I would rather lick the pole in a strip join in the seedy part of town and doorknobs in Wuhan than listen to Xiden).
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT
I state your name, do hereby promise to you know, the thing.
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I am Joseph Robinette, hee hee, that sounds like a small bird I love birds, they fly, ever wish you could fly? Um, Biden and I am happy to become the 46th Chairman of the People’s Republik of America, oh, um the United States, wait for applause. After four years of Donald Trump and his low unemployment and booming economy I want to assure you that I intend to change all of that. We cannot have Americans holding jobs that rightfully belong to illegal immigrants who are heading here right now. Wait for applause.
I look out and see the vast empty space with no people there and it reminds me of the campaign where I could not draw flies. But me and Barack, he is one of the clean, articulate black guys, you know, we had the best most organized election fraud plan in place so I knew I would win. I mean, I am demented and most days sit around staring at my belly button, hee hee. Ever notice how paintings of Adam and Eve show them with belly buttons? They wouldn’t have had them if they were not born. I like the paintings of Eve, I imagine what smelling her hair would be like. Oh, Barack, he did OK listening to me. I gained a lot of experience handling those people when I told Corn Pop he better watch it or I would rub my hairy legs on him. I remember it because my dad took me to the pool where Corn Pop was and I saw two black men kissing and I asked him what that was about and he told me, Joey, they are in love.
Now I was a boy from Scranton, yo Scranton in the house, wait for applause, and I can tell you we didn’t see two black men kissing each other up there. We only had them tending our gardens and cleaning our cars. In fact, I didn’t see any white guys, or for that matter any guys kissing because when I was 15 it was 1957 and no matter how gay you were you didn’t show it. I only said that so you would think I was worthy of your vote. I mean, I picked a black chick, I mean, broad, I mean woman, is that OK Nancy, where’s Nancy Pelosi, stand up Nancy, God love ya what am I talking about it’s 1 pm Nancy is too drunk to stand. So I picked Kamala because she has the name of a big wrestler and liked watching him when I was in the Senate. I imagined body slamming Corn Pop that way but now I wouldn’t mind smashing her. She is into that. I told her she had pretty lips but she said too late, I already have the job.
So Trump messed up everything by beating Hillary. Hey Hill, too bad they didn’t cheat for you like this. But Joey B, the Big Guy, is here to mop up after Orange Man Bad. So we tried to kill that guy off. I mean have you ever seen such a resilient guy? We accused him of colluding with Russia and spent millions of YOUR dollars to investigate the thing we all knew was a lie just to get a report from that demented fool Mueller, we are in the same adult day care group, saying there was no collusion. I mean what did we pay him for? Then they impeached Trump and that didn’t work. No matter what this guy kept working for the people and making their lives better with tax cuts and more take home pay and a better quality of life. We Democrats could not stand for that! Wait for applause.
So I am here to tell you, look at all those soldiers. Man there are a lot of them. I have not seen that many at a swearing in since the last despot rigged an election and needed the military to protect him. Are these guys vetted? Do we know if they are loyal to the Chairman? Where is the Chairman, oh that’s me, what was I thinking? Can I mumble dogface to the banana patch? What dog faced pony soldier put that in there?
These soldiers, are they on the up and up? There are a lot of white ones there and that scares me. There are only a few soldiers of color or female ones. What am I saying, I mean there is not representation from the 50 different sexes we invented to demonstrate our mental illness. But those fellows have guns. Are they loaded? They look like assault weapons. You don’t need them. You soldiers listen, just get a shotgun and if there is a problem fire two blasts, that will scare them. Just give us a warning, after last week many Democrats from Congress are jumpy. They do not want to piss, I mean urinate in their pants again. They should wear Depends like me. The urine smell is not so bad once you get used to it. If you wear Ben Gay no one really notices the urine smell.
So I will be working to overturn all that Donald Trump did to make America great again, oh God, I mean to rile up his base. Good thing I got 80 million votes. Remember, nothing suspicious about that, wait for applause.
Look at all those fences around this place. It kind of feels like we are incarcerated. Funny how that looks appropriate.
So here is the thing, I have to start having little boys come in to the White House. The Pope will send me some. I like to touch them and have them sit on my lap. Then I tell them to pretend they are riding a horse.
Anyone who thinks I did not win is full of, I mean, come on man.
I am from Scranton and my first wife and little baby died and I lied about the guy who hit the car to gain politically. But no worries, I have been in office for 47 years and I did nothing but you can take my word, when I tell you something I mean it, I will change things now and erase the success of Trump.
One last thing. If you think I am donating my salary you are more demented than I am. God bless the Democrats, Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey, Premier Xi, the Dominion folks and the cheaters in all the battleground states. Without your illegal efforts I would not be here today.
And if you are wondering why I did not mention Covid it is because it has served its purpose. Now things will open and we will get back to normal. Thanks to the Wuhan Folks, my Wu Crew, for putting that together.
Now it is four hours past my lid time so that’s a wrap. Wait for applause.
END TRANSCRIPT
Well folks there you have it, my look into the future and a transcript of Chairman Xiden’s speech.
You have four years of this fool or the tool he has with him. Good luck with that…
#FAFO
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
Cave canem!
Never surrender, never submit.
