Full Time Make-Up Artist For Michelle Obama
Michelle Obama, radical liberal and racist, has become the first First Lady in history to put a make-up artist on full time for her traveling entourage. I imagine that any make-up job involving this woman would be a full time job. Klingons require a lot of work.
It would appear as if the big deal was made about Michelle’s falsies and the need for help in getting them straight. Seems that her eyelashes are marvelous but she needs help putting them on. She also needs the person with the trowel to apply the make-up and smooth the cracks.
And it is a guy. I am going to avoid the obvious reference.
The article says the Obamas are paying for this.
Or, did this make-up artist just happen to be heading to DC and decided he would bring all the supplies and do it for free?
Maybe he learned from the pizza guy.
Source:
NYP
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Tags: artist, klingon, make up, michelle obama
My Global Warming Carbon Offset Plan
Global warming is an issue that creates mass hysteria among those of the left as they parade around slavishly following Al Gore and his over hyped PowerPoint show of black magic, lies, and distortions. The people who advocate for man to do something, anything, to stop the onslaught of catastrophe that will ensue unless we spend money we do not have on items that have yet to be invented, have yet to be demonstrated as effective and are based on something that is a theory are clueless. They insist that we must act because the science is settled and every scientist in the world worth anything has signed on board the Gore express.
The inconvenient truth is that as many scientists disagree with the idea of man made global warming as agree with it and the science is definitely not settled. Lest we forget, these reputable scientists were warning of an approaching ICE AGE only 35 or so years ago. Never mind that it has been colder lately and that we are not actually warming up (though this is strangely blamed on global warming) and never mind that it all seems to coincide with sunspot activity. The major issue with these folks is that Carbon Dioxide is dangerous. They call it a greenhouse gas and blame it for most of the problems. In the late 60s and early 70s it was CFCs used in aerosol cans as a propellant. That stuff was banned so now those who want to control your lives need a new villain. CO2 is the villain because it can never be eliminated and they won’t have to look for a new one in the future like they did after CFCs were banned.
CO2 is necessary for life to exist. It is the waste gas expired after Oxygen is processed in the body. Amazingly, there is a system on the planet that uses it and makes Oxygen. Plants use CO2 and return O2 for us to breathe and we do the opposite for them. It is amazing the way that this works. It is almost like a higher being designed it all or something…
In any event, the global warming zealots are looking to put into place these cap and trade schemes as well as others to charge us more money and to try to end this scourge of global warming. King Hussein of America is now looking to do it. They are all spending money we don’t have to end something that is not a problem all in the name of control.
The global warming hoax will make a handful of people very rich and will condemn us to poverty for a very long time. It will enslave us to government even more than we are now and when added to the trillion dollar deficits King Hussein is racking up (he has tripled a debt in one month) the recession will be turned into a depression.
But what about your offset plan Big Dog?
CO2 is a necessary gas but liberals want to eliminate it. Some of them have this idea about buying a carbon offset (a fancy way for them to make money for nothing) so my offset program involves all the liberals signing up for my program. Their names will be randomly selected to help allow those guilty of “polluting” with CO2 to alleviate that guilt. Here is how it works:
People who produce CO2 will send me money to purchase carbon offsets. I will randomly select a liberal from the list of those who want to help the environment (and all good libs want that, right). Then, they will be sent to the Final Exit Network where their carbon output will end. This will be a great offset program that allows libs to sacrifice for the cause and allow the rest of us to live how we want without a lot of problems.
But mostly, it will help me get rich through the sale of the offsets.
This is no more ridiculous than any of the other scams out there and mine actually helps decrease the surplus liberal population.
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Tags: al gore, cap and trade, final exit network, global warming, hoax, Obama, offset, scam
Obama Unconscious After Banging His Head; Rushed To Hospital
Feb 9, 2009 Satire
Barack Obama banged his head on the top of the doorway to Marine One when he tried to enter without looking. The blow to the head caused Obama to lose consciousness and he was rushed to a nearby hospital for evaluation.
Obama regained consciousness a short time after his arrival in the emergency room and immediately denounced the porkulus plan as nothing but wasteful spending and said that less government intrusion in the economy would allow it to weather the current economic storm. He immediately cut all personal taxes down to 10%, eliminated the capital gains tax, and reduced the corporate tax by half. Obama then discussed nominating someone like John Roberts to fill the next vacancy on the Supreme Court.
After a brief interruption for lunch Obama said that we needed to drill for our own oil and ensure our resources were used to strengthen the economy and to decrease our dependence on foreign oil. He also signed an Executive Order claiming man made global warming a hoax and had the Justice Department issue a warrant for Al Gore’s arrest. Obama then signed another EO claiming that Abortion was murder and outlawing the practice. He then praised the medical personnel who cared for him and said that he would never allow our health care system to become Socialized.
His final act before leaving the hospital was to reinforce that gun ownership was an individual right and declared that anyone who desired a carry permit shall be granted one unless the person is a known criminal or have been diagnosed with a mental illness.
Doctors at the hospital stated they have never seen a person be cured of the mental illness of liberalism so quickly and their official diagnosis is that the blow to the head knocked some sense into him. The medical record indicates that Obama awakened from a lifelong, liberal induced coma.
Snap back to reality.
I figured if newspaper reporters and their readers could fantasize about having sex with him I could fantasize about him being cured of his disability after the blow to his noggin.
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Tags: coma, head bang, marine one, Obama, trauma
Obama Inauguration Day Schedule
Jan 18, 2009 Satire
Barack Hussein Obama will take the oath of office around noon on Tuesday and his revised schedule has been released. The planners had to change it because of the expected crowd size and the lack of portable toilets as well as the congestion of the area.
- 1030: People will be relieved of suffering as Obamessiah raises his hands toward the sky and thousands more portable toilets appear. This is his “loads and toilet fishes miracle.”
- 1045: Obama will have coffee with outgoing President George Bush. He will then turn two danish pastries into a bakery so the staff can eat.
- 1100: Ms. Obama will tour the White House with Ms. Bush. Obama will have a punch list to ensure that she will be proud to live in a “White” House.
- 1115: Rick Warren will prepare to deliver his prayer and Obama will smite him. His words will sound like gibberish and he will embrace homosexual marriage. A huge love fest will spontaneously occur in San Francisco.
- 1130: Joe Biden will swear in and claim to be the smartest man on the planet. The crowd will ask each other “who is that?
- 1155: The chants of Obama will increase and change to Hosanna as Obama ascends the steps, without touching them, and takes his rightful place.
- 1200: Chief Justice John Roberts will issue the Oath of Office to Obama who will be using Lincoln’s Bible. As Obama recites the words he will raise Lincoln from the dead so he too can witness the greatness of The One.
- 1205: Obama will deliver his inauguration speech which will be heard by the world’s people in their native languages. No Tower of Babel from the Messiah.
- 1220: This is a change Obama will begin his inaugural parade. The route has been changed. Now the sainted one (PBUH) will walk across the Capitol Reflecting Pool on his way to the White House. Once he is on the other side he will turn and divide the water so ordinary mortals can follow him on his remarkable journey to change.
- 1230: The band Bachman Turner Overdrive will appear and follow Obama along the parade route playing “You ain’t Seen Nothing Yet.”
- 1255: Obama will arrive at the White House and sit in the Oval Office for pictures by the adoring press. His pictures will come out with a halo.
- 1325: The crowd will disperse to take his teachings across the nation.
- 1900: The Sainted One will solve all world problems by this time and the economic problems will magically disappear.
Now we know what is planned.
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Tags: inauguration, messiah, miracles, Obama, the one
Open Letter To Soros and Winfrey
Oct 15, 2008 Satire
Dear Mr. Soros and Ms. Winfrey,
I am writing to you because you are both extremely rich people who have enough money to make a lot of people millionaires without batting an eye. I appreciate the hard work you have done to earn that money and for all the years I have been political I have believed that you should keep as much of it as possible and that your tax rates should be the same as the guy making 50k a year. I mean, we all receive the same benefit from the country so why not pay the same percentage.
The purpose of my letter is to ask you for your support on behalf of Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Ms. Winfrey (I watched you on WJZ in Baltimore when you did local news) I know that you are liberal and support the Obama/Biden ticket and that is your right. Mr. Soros, there is no doubt that you are liberal and so far to the left that you are holding up the wall. I need your support per the guidance of the Democrats on the top of the ticket.
Joe Biden said that people who make more than 250k should pay more in taxes because it was patriotic. This past week Barack Obama told a plumber that he wanted to redistribute the wealth because he believes that is how you make everyone successful.
Keeping this in mind, I am asking each of you to demonstrate your patriotism by sending me one million dollars. That is only 500k a piece and a drop in the bucket with regard to your total wealth. This will help you to do what Joe and Barry want. You will demonstrate you are true patriots and you will spread the wealth around (to me) so that this guy who is not rich can do better. Barry wants this, Joe wants this and I want your money. By sending it to me you will avoid the middle man known as government, an entity that seems to cause a mess when it has taxpayer money. Sending it direct is best for all concerned (especially me).
I realize that this will be a burden to me because then I will be a millionaire and have to pay higher taxes but that is a burden I am ready to bear if it will make me patriotic and help spread the wealth in Obama’s perverse version of trickle down economics. I am certainly ready to bear that burden if it means I can become a millionaire.
Before you dismiss my request outright, I again remind you that this is what YOUR candidates want you to do.
With warmest regards,
Tags: patriotism, socialism, Soros, taxes, winfrey