Big Dogs Weblog

No College Graduates This Year

by Big Dog on May 29, 2006 at 00:51 Uncategorized

Bad news for all the young men and women who thought they were going to graduate from college this year. The federal government has taken a look at some of the statistics in college graduation rates and they have noticed that students who do little or no work, fail. When they fail they do not get credits therefore they can not graduate.

The government has come up with a plan that will help these students to graduate. The plan, based on the system of taxes in this country, will have the government take credits away from students who have earned them and give them to students who have not. This redistribution of credits will make everyone equal and make the competition for a job that much stiffer.

Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts had proposed that students from Ivy League schools be exempted from the program. This was quickly dismissed when people complained that it would only help the wealthy. The credit redistribution plan will be based upon grade point average (GPA). Those with higher GPAs will have to forfeit more credits than those with lower GPAs. Students need not worry about the details because the schools have all of their personal information. The government will automatically deduct the credits and then assist students in selecting classes that will allow them to earn more credits. Unfortunately, when they are due to graduate in the future, more credits will be taken.

Also, the rate of credit grabbing will increase over time and students will be obligated to participate. Those who ignore the plan will be investigated by the Credit Redistribution Service (CRS) and will go to jail if it is determined that a student failed to pay the credits or under paid for any given school year.

Tags: Humor