Obama’s Teleprompter Commits Suicide
Jul 14, 2009 Satire
It is no secret that Barack Obama uses his teleprompter as a crutch. He needs it to stay on message because when he goes freestyle he says things he does not want people to hear. The teleprompter has been with him through the last six months and has heard nearly every speech he has made. It has also heard all the practice runs of those speeches.
I know that I have had my fill of listening to him so I can only imagine how horrible it must have been for the teleprompter, or TOTUS, as it is called.
Today was too much for the poor TOTUS so during a speech Obama gave the TOTUS jumped off its stand and committed suicide. The death was instant as the TOTUS shattered into a bunch of little pieces when it hit the floor.
Obama expressed brief sadness by exclaiming “Oh Goodness!” and then continued with his speech. The TOTUS’s twin brother was able to resist the urge to jump and guided Obama through the balance of the speech.
Asked to comment after the speech, TOTUS II said that his brother had been under a great deal of pressure to make Obama sound good and that the strain had been evident as he malfunctioned for Joe Biden and Mrs. Obama in recent speeches. TOTUS said that he knew it was only a matter of time before his brother went to pieces.
Funeral services will begin tomorrow at noon at a local glass factory after which TOTUS will be recycled into a toilet bowl, a fixture more fitting for what Obama has been spreading.
A plaque above the toilet bowl will read:
Here lies the reincarnation of TOTUS
A fixture that put words in Obama’s mouth
Considering what Obama has been spewing
We needed a place to ralph
Sources:
ABC News
Real Clear Politics (video)
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Tags: broken, Obama, suicide, teleprompter