Where Are The Americans?
Jul 24, 2006 Uncategorized
A bit of humor for Monday morning.
A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!”
But the passer-by says “You are mistaken, I am Mexican”.
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!”
The person says “I no American, I Vietnamese.”
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, “Thank you for the wonderful America!”
That person puts up his hand and says “I am from Middle East, I am not an American!”
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, “Are you an American?”
She says, “No, I am from Russia!”
So he is puzzled, and asks her, “Where are all the Americans?”
The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says………”Probably at work!”
Big Dog Salute to DG
Tags: Humor
A Sunday Morality Test
Jul 23, 2006 Uncategorized
This is a morality test. Please try to answer honestly (wouldn’t it be immoral to lie?).
Give an Honest Answer
This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
===============================================
Morality Test
THE SITUATION
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster.
The situation is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.===============================================
THE TEST
Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the woman looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It’s Hillary Clinton! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her under forever. You have two options–you can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world’s most powerful women.
===============================================
THE QUESTION
Here’s the question, and please give an honest answer…….
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
Big Dog Salute to TJ.
Tags: Humor
Joe Wilson Made Trip To Middle East
Jul 14, 2006 Political
Satire
Third rate ambassador Joe Wilson, desiring his privacy, has just returned from a trip to the Middle East, a trip that his wife, a terrible non-covert former CIA analyst, arranged. Wilson met with Iranian President Ahmadinejad and while the two drank mint julep tea, Wilson asked him if Iran had anything to do with the situation in Israel. Ahmadinejad replied that he did not and said that reports indicating he wanted Israel wiped off the map were manufactured by George Bush in order to make a case for war against his peaceful country.
From Iran Wilson traveled to Syria where he met with Hezbollah and Hamas representatives. Wilson asked them if they sneaked into Israel and kidnapped Israeli soldiers. While sipping mint julep tea, Wilson listened to these leaders deny such a charge and say that this was George Bush’s manufactured story to incite anger and violence in the Middle East. One representative, who asked to remain anonymous because he is wanted in 50 countries said, “We are a peaceful people and have never been involved in violence. The US came in here on trumped up charges that you, Mr. Wilson, exposed. We would not be in such a state if the Zionists in Israel were not war mongers intent on eradicating our peaceful religion of Islam, Allah be praised.”
Mr. Wilson returned to the US where he wrote an OP-ED piece in The New York Times. In the piece he stated that Vice President Dick Cheney’s office requested that he go to the Middle East. He indicated that anyone who suggests that his wife had anything to do with it is only trying to discredit him and out her as a retired CIA analyst. The piece goes on to say:
While I sat in various locations throughout the Middle East drinking mint julep tea, I asked many questions and received honest answers from a misunderstood people. They told me, quite frankly, that they had nothing to do with any of the items attributed to them including the kidnapping of Israeli soldiers and the support of Hezbollah by Iran. These were peaceful meetings and I was awestruck at how the Islamic world only wants to live in peace but are stopped in every attempt by George Bush and the Zionists in Israel.
I can only conclude that the Islamic nations in the Middle East had nothing to do with the violence that is occurring and that George Bush greatly exaggerated or flat out lied when he said that the Israeli soldiers had to be released. It is obvious from my meetings that no Israeli soldiers are being held and that this is a lie set up by the Bush administration to justify more violence in a part of the world synonymous with peace. Hezbollah’s claim that they have no rockets and have not fired into Israel coupled with their adamant denial of soldier kidnappings leaves me to believe that, once again, George Bush lied us into conflict. George Bush used his puppets in Israel by feeding them false information and stirred them into violence. I believe the claims by Hezbollah, Hamas, and Iran that the Special Operations guys in the US Army carried out these attacks to bolster support for the continued conflict.
Please be sure to watch your local bookstores because my new book, Bush Lied, Valerie Cried, and I love Mint Julep Tea, which I will write as soon as we are done suing Cheney, Rove, and Libby. We are also in the process of adding a guy named Big Dog to the mix because of his connection with the vast right wing conspiracy. We have had some trouble with this because I have ascertained that Big Dog shoots liberals first and asks questions later. Valerie and I actually believe that George Bush allowed Big Dog to write about us to intimidate us. He is a more dangerous threat than any so called outing of my wife.”
There you have it. Joe Wilson says it so it must be true. He also wrote it in the New York Times and we know how they feel about George Bush and the Country. The Times Editorial staff has written a piece calling the lies of George Bush and the bloggong of Big Dog a secret anti-terrorism program and therefore believe it is their duty to disclose it. They still stand by their position that the only secret that should have been kept was Plame’s “secret” identity.
End Satire
John Kerry Declared A Saint
Jun 20, 2006 Uncategorized
This came via email. Please enjoy.
On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., Senator John Kerry’s campaign manager visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral. He told the Cardinal that John Kerry would be attending the next day’s sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Kerry to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Kerry a saint.
The Cardinal replied, “No, I don’t really like the man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Kerry’s views.”
Kerry’s manager then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Kerry as a saint. The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.
As Kerry’s manager promised, Senator Kerry appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated himself prominently at the edge of the main aisle. And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that Senator Kerry was present. Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, While Senator Kerry’s presence is probably an honor to some, he is not my favorite person. Some of his views are contrary to those of the church, and he tends to flip-flop on many other views. John Kerry is a petty, self absorbed hypocrite and a nit-wit. John Kerry is a liar, a cheat, and a thief. John Kerry is the worst example of a Catholic I’ve ever personally witnessed.
He turned on his buddies in Vietnam. He wrote a book and portrayed himself in the best light when he was a traitor to his fellow servicemen. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in for a medal. He married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. He also has a reputation for shirking his senatorial obligations both here, in Washington and in Massachusetts. He simply isn’t to be trusted.
The Cardinal completed his view of Kerry with, But, when compared to Senator Ted Kennedy, Senator Kerry is a saint.
Big Dog Salute to Woodman
Tags: Humor
Media Bias Humor
Jun 13, 2006 Uncategorized
The trouble with this joke is that it smacks of the truth…..
The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, sailing on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They’re admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope’s hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret Service guys start to launch a boat, but president Bush waves them off, saying, “Wait, wait. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry.” Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father’s little hat, bends over picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence. The next morning, the headlines in the New York Times, Boston Globe, Atlanta Constitution, Washington Post, Boston Herald, Buffalo News, Houston Chronicle, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal, Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times and San Francisco Chronicle all proclaim: “Bush Can’t Swim!”
From Bet on Iraq.com
Tags: Humor