It Could Happen
Jun 7, 2006 Immigration
A little Wednesday morning humor…
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico.
Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured.The country is totally ruined and the government doesn’t know where to start with asking for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.
The European community (except France, who promptly surrendered) is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Mexicans.
GOD BLESS AMERICA
Big Dog Salute to CB
Tags: Humor
New Orleans, The Border, Alligator Attacks – Solved!
Jun 4, 2006 Uncategorized
I received an email this morning with the solution to the problems outlined in the title. It is amazing no one in the government came up with this, oh wait, no it isn’t. Government creates problems, it does not do as well in the solving department. So here is the solution:
A win-win situation. Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border, use the dirt to raise the levies in New Orleans and put the Florida alligators into the moat.
The author asks:
“Any other problems you would like me to solve?”
The solution will probably only solve alligator attacks in Florida. Along the border there will be a few until the ILLEGALS learn….
Big Dog salute to Schatz.
Tags: Humor
New Preamble To The Constitution
May 31, 2006 Uncategorized
I think this has been around for a while but it was sent to me earlier and I like it so I thought I would go ahead and publish it.
Somebody said this was probably the best e-mail he’d seen in a long, long time. The following has been attributed to State Rep. Mitchell Aye from GA. This guy should run for President one day…
“We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ri dden, delusional and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident; that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.”
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone…not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes, who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve…get an education and go to work..don’t expect everyone else to take care of you!)
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others.. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (lastly…)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief of one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all, with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!
If you agree, share this with a friend No, you don’t have to, and nothing tragic will befall you if you don’t. I just think it’s about time common sense is allowed to flourish. Sensible people of the United States speak out because if you do not, who will?
Tags: Humor
No Drunk Kennedys
May 29, 2006 Political
I can only offer this bit of help. They are looking in the wrong place. Congress is in recess for the 7 day holiday weekend so the Kennedys are drunk at home.
My advice to people in their states is to stay off the roads (and sidewalks) and do not, under any circumstances, accept a ride from a Kennedy.
No College Graduates This Year
May 29, 2006 Uncategorized
Bad news for all the young men and women who thought they were going to graduate from college this year. The federal government has taken a look at some of the statistics in college graduation rates and they have noticed that students who do little or no work, fail. When they fail they do not get credits therefore they can not graduate.
The government has come up with a plan that will help these students to graduate. The plan, based on the system of taxes in this country, will have the government take credits away from students who have earned them and give them to students who have not. This redistribution of credits will make everyone equal and make the competition for a job that much stiffer.
Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts had proposed that students from Ivy League schools be exempted from the program. This was quickly dismissed when people complained that it would only help the wealthy. The credit redistribution plan will be based upon grade point average (GPA). Those with higher GPAs will have to forfeit more credits than those with lower GPAs. Students need not worry about the details because the schools have all of their personal information. The government will automatically deduct the credits and then assist students in selecting classes that will allow them to earn more credits. Unfortunately, when they are due to graduate in the future, more credits will be taken.
Also, the rate of credit grabbing will increase over time and students will be obligated to participate. Those who ignore the plan will be investigated by the Credit Redistribution Service (CRS) and will go to jail if it is determined that a student failed to pay the credits or under paid for any given school year.
Tags: Humor