Obama Inauguration Day Schedule
Jan 18, 2009 Satire
Barack Hussein Obama will take the oath of office around noon on Tuesday and his revised schedule has been released. The planners had to change it because of the expected crowd size and the lack of portable toilets as well as the congestion of the area.
- 1030: People will be relieved of suffering as Obamessiah raises his hands toward the sky and thousands more portable toilets appear. This is his “loads and toilet fishes miracle.”
- 1045: Obama will have coffee with outgoing President George Bush. He will then turn two danish pastries into a bakery so the staff can eat.
- 1100: Ms. Obama will tour the White House with Ms. Bush. Obama will have a punch list to ensure that she will be proud to live in a “White” House.
- 1115: Rick Warren will prepare to deliver his prayer and Obama will smite him. His words will sound like gibberish and he will embrace homosexual marriage. A huge love fest will spontaneously occur in San Francisco.
- 1130: Joe Biden will swear in and claim to be the smartest man on the planet. The crowd will ask each other “who is that?
- 1155: The chants of Obama will increase and change to Hosanna as Obama ascends the steps, without touching them, and takes his rightful place.
- 1200: Chief Justice John Roberts will issue the Oath of Office to Obama who will be using Lincoln’s Bible. As Obama recites the words he will raise Lincoln from the dead so he too can witness the greatness of The One.
- 1205: Obama will deliver his inauguration speech which will be heard by the world’s people in their native languages. No Tower of Babel from the Messiah.
- 1220: This is a change Obama will begin his inaugural parade. The route has been changed. Now the sainted one (PBUH) will walk across the Capitol Reflecting Pool on his way to the White House. Once he is on the other side he will turn and divide the water so ordinary mortals can follow him on his remarkable journey to change.
- 1230: The band Bachman Turner Overdrive will appear and follow Obama along the parade route playing “You ain’t Seen Nothing Yet.”
- 1255: Obama will arrive at the White House and sit in the Oval Office for pictures by the adoring press. His pictures will come out with a halo.
- 1325: The crowd will disperse to take his teachings across the nation.
- 1900: The Sainted One will solve all world problems by this time and the economic problems will magically disappear.
Now we know what is planned.
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Tags: inauguration, messiah, miracles, Obama, the one