It’s Time, Chris, Ted
Jul 31, 2009 Political, Satire
According to page 245 of the Healthcare bill, people 65 years or older, when they might have a terminal, or possible terminal illness, should be counseled on possible procedures that might help assist the transition into another life- and we don’t mean that of a Wal- Mart greeter. Instead, these people should be counseled on possible ways to end their lives, and in that spirit, I would like to volunteer to “counsel” Chris Dodd, and Teddy Kennedy, who both have cancer, are over 65, and have one foot in the afterlife and the other on a banana peel.
I feel that I should remind them of all the good things……okay things….alright, fairly bad things that they have been party to, and maybe, just maybe, this might be a real good time to begin looking forward to a different “way” of looking at life, like perhaps from the point of view of a cadaver. Just think of your new constituency- more people are dead than are alive.
Why think of the possibilities- George Parr and LBJ caused an entire cemetery in Duval County to rise and vote, why couldn’t you? And these people- okay, perhaps some of them are already the dust the Bible speaks of, but the ones who are not yet crumbled will be beholden to you, because even AARP drops dead people from their subscription lists. Why, it’s as if they cease to exist- noone has their back, and they are a grossly underrepresented minority—- fine- technically, they do constitute a majority, but I am sure we can work on the fine points.
The truth is, it is time for you to go, and there are some people you could be kind enough to take with you. Senator Byrd, for example- he is truly the walking dead, and an inspiration to every zombie in the land. Helen Thomas, you could take her- after all, you might need a journalist to give you good press- oh and Ginsburg, too, just to be on the safe side- a lawyer never goes out of style.
So here’s a handful of pills- be sure and take them with a full glass of water, we wouldn’t want you to choke, or fail to take them all. Lie down, and we will play you some real nice music, with a hologram of peaceful places and soothing scenery- you know, kind of like that movie “Soylent Green”. You’ll like it.
See you on the flip side.
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