Pastor Wright’s Easter Sermon
Mar 22, 2008 Satire
I have received the transcript of Obama’s Pastor. He will deliver it on Easter. Obama will be at the beach so he will likely not attend. This is satire but it might be offensive to some…
Transcript:
Can I get an amen?
Can I get an ayyyyy men?
Can I get a hallelujah?
I said can I get a Haaa laaa leww yaaa?
Brothers and sisters I have come out of retirement to deliver a sermon about the resurrection, not the resurrection of the Obama campaign because those federal agents in the rear are here to ensure I do not violate the tax laws. They are white devils sent by the white devils in government to stifle my creativity. But we are here to discuss the resurrection of Jesus Christ, a black man who was put to death by the white devils of the time. Yes brothers and sisters, the whites put Jesus to death for healing the sick and helping the poor. They nailed him to a cross for preaching about Gawd. Jesus, a black man, dared to say he was the son of Gawd and we know that whitey cannot stand Gawd being called black, but black he is so to this day we are targeted. By speaking truth to power we end up with federal agents watching our every move.
Jesus Christ lived a modest life. He was born to a black couple and they were ostracized by the whites who said a savior could not be a black man and that unmarried couples should not have children. Jesus’ father Joseph was a carpenter by trade but could not get a job because of the racism of the time, a racism that continues to this day. They were not allowed to rent a home and had to travel around the desert. When Mary was ready to deliver the family went to an inn but were forced to sleep in the barn with the animals because the innkeeper was a racist who believed blacks to be no better than animals.
After Jesus was born three wise men showed up with gifts of bling to show praise for the newborn black King, a descendant of David. The happy family had to leave quickly because some cracker King wanted all black babies killed not unlike Planned Parenthood wants to do today. They traveled around the desert because no one would rent them a place to stay and when Brother Jesus got older he began to teach in the Synagogues. Jesus tried to teach the Jews but they were busy scratching through the sand in search of diamonds and paid little attention to what he said. As Jesus grew older he was loved by many but the white community became increasingly afraid of this educated brother who could raise people from the dead. They did not want some uppity nigger showing them up so they planned his demise, much like they are doing to a man running for president.
Jesus caught wind of this and his followers began to chant Gawd Damn Israel because the diamond merchants were helping the whites plot the demise of the Christ. Jesus was charged and brought before Pilate who believed him to be innocent but since he was a black man Pilate did not want to be too open about this. He offered the Jews the chance to release Jesus as a Passover gift but the Jews picked a white criminal instead. As usual, the black guy gets punished while the white criminal walks free. Even then, the system of justice was skewed against the black man.
The Jews refusal to release Jesus gave the whites the chance to crucify him. Some cracker smashed a crown of thorns on his head and they made him carry a heavy cross to his crucification site and which made him too tired to fight. They laid him down and an ancestor of George Bush nailed him to the cross with nails made of the same steel that the white devils used to shackle us for the trip to slavery. They hung Jesus from that cross and showed him little mercy. Then they stuck a sword through his side to ensure he was dead.
A few brothers got together and asked that they be allowed to entomb Jesus which Pilate allowed. But Pilate put a few guards there to keep brothers from stealing Jesus’ body and claiming he arose from the dead. On the third day Mary visited the tomb but it was empty. She thought some cracker stole Jesus but he appeared to her. Then she took him back to the hood so he could rap with the other brothers about being dead.
The Jews refused to believe that Christ had arisen and to this day have been damned by Gawd to live in turmoil. The whites were able to escape and create majority populations in Europe and America and they enslaved blacks to keep them from obtaining the greatness Jesus showed was possible. To this day Gawd has kept us blacks under wraps and oppressed us for allowing the whites to enslave us. He is finally allowing us to speak out and allowing a brother to run for president.
Gawd started all this by creating 9/11 so the whites would be more focused on Muslims than blacks because their racial hatred knows no bounds. Today we mark the resurrection of Jesus as the beginning of the end of the white race. We must rise up and kill the white snake by cutting off its head and leaving it to die. We will then rise up and rule the world as Gawd had intended.
Can I get an amen?
Can I get an ayyyyy men?
Can I get a hallelujah?
I said can I get a Haaa laaa leww yaaa?
Tags: easter, jesus, pastor wright, racism, sermon